Living with Adrian Monk

Most of you know that I am (was) a big fan of the USA network show, "Monk."  I was sad to see it end, but it lives on in memory...Actually, it lives on in real life, too.  You see, in many ways, I am married to Adrian Monk.  Okay, he goes by "Bill Reed," but he's the same guy.

Need proof?  I'm sure many of you remember the great shaving soap adventure.  Here is the link to refresh your memory:

http://billlindasworld.blogspot.com/2007/10/crisis-averted.html

Or, if you need photographic evidence of Bill's special "Monkness":

http://billlindasworld.blogspot.com/2007/11/crisis-averted-part-2.html

Not long ago, I caught Bill trying to throw away a perfectly good shirt.  Why, you ask?  Because he had an uneven number of solid and stripes.  Unlike Sharona and Natalie, though, I'm not paid to put up with his nonsense.  The shirt stayed. 

But there's news...Bill is evolving!  He has switched from ankle-high black athletic socks to regular black athletic socks!  Of course, he wouldn't commit to the changeover until he had "auditioned" the new socks for a day, but he's now fully onboard with the change.  (Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks?)  Wait!  There's more!  Last Sunday, he wore a different tie for the first time in eight years.  Yes...you read that right... he has worn the same tie every Sunday (and various dress-up days in between) for eight years.  It wasn't that I wouldn't let him change ties, and it certainly wasn't that his tie was so fabulous-looking that no one in their right mind would replace it.  Oh, no...it was because although it was getting exceedingly ratty-looking, it was the only tie we could find that fit his very rigid "tie rules."

Prior to last Sunday, these were the rules:

1. Ties must be solid black.
2. Ties must not exceed 2 inches in width.
3. Ties must be made of "non-shiny", "non-slippery", matte-finished fabric.

The first two rules were easy.  Waiters and Blues Brothers impersonators also follow those rules.  Number three was the tricky one--there aren't many ties on the market made of burlap. 

So, what changed?  He discovered hand lotion!!!

The reason for rule #3 was that he refused to wear any of the hand lotion that I bought for him over the years and his hands, being very rough, snagged on slippery ties.  But then one crazy day he tried some of the hotel lotion that the Marriott kindly provides.  He LIKED it!  He said that unlike every other lotion in the known world, it wasn't "greasy."  What was this wondrous elixir?  Orange-Ginger lotion from Bath and Body Works.  After a trip to the mall to stock up, he now keeps that exact lotion in every bathroom, in his car and at both of his offices.  And, thus, he was able to wear an all black, not too wide, somewhat slippery new tie on Sunday.

I am leading up to today's adventure. 

Earlier this month we registered for the Disney "Give a Day, Get a Day" program.  When you go on their website and enter your zip code, you are given a list of volunteering opportunities in your area.  There are literally hundreds of different volunteering venues in Bakersfield.  We signed up to work at the Kern County Library.  Once we have completed our day of service, we will get two free vouchers for use at Disneyland anytime before the end of the year.  The library commitment only requires four hours.  We did two today and will finish in two weeks.

We chose to work in the local history section.  Our assignment is to clean up the vertical files.  These are folders filled with newspaper clippings,  maps,  chamber of commerce leaflets, board of trade reports, and endless other ephemera.  Our job is to sort them by subject matter and arrange them in chronological order.  So...imagine Adrian Monk doing this job.  Can you picture it?  Here's an actual picture:

I finished eight folders for every one of his.  My approach was kind of like my approach to most things.  There's no date on one of a thousand clippings I need to file?  Okay, let's make an educated guess...Let's get it done!  Bill's approach was different.  I wish I could have recorded the conversation between him and Christopher, the local history librarian where Bill explained to him that the date someone else had written at the top of a clipping couldn't possibly be correct because the article referenced a man who, as another article clearly stated, wasn't born until much later...And this grouping needs to be kept separate from the rest of the file because the individual named on the file cover is really only a bit player in these other articles...And I need paper clips and rubber bands, right now!  You get the idea?  Christopher, his eyes glazing over, admitted that Bill was correct and, in the end,  let him re-design their filing system.

It was really kind of fun.  In sorting a collection of very old (1905-1954) promotional material for the Kern County Board of Trade I learned that in the early days, they marketed Kern County as "A Magical Place With a Magical Climate."  Hmmmm...Wonder how that worked out for them?

So...a lot of rambling, but I've given you three good birthday ideas for someone's upcoming 60th birthday.