There used to be a reliable sign that someone was crazy:
They talked to themselves.
Now, at least in the great state of California, that benchmark has gone the way of smoking in public and spanking your children.
Since July 1, 2007, it has been illegal in CA to talk on your cell phone while driving. The fine, for a first-time offense, is $75. People have found various ways to comply with the new law; leaving their cell phone in the cup holder and talking on speaker phone (Clare), using a visor-mounted hands-free devise (me), or wearing a blue-tooth thing in your ear (everyone else in the state).
There are problems associated with each solution.
The main problem with Clare's good idea is that it's illegal. I will say no more. The problem I am having with my visor/speaker is twofold. First, after seven months I still can't remember how the damn thing works and I am forever disconnecting people when I try to answer a call. Second, I can't get past the feeling that in order to be heard, I should be looking towards the speaker, my nose pointed at the roof of the car. Surely that isn't safe?
The problem with the earpiece can best be illustrated by what happened to me yesterday at Target.
I was on the cosmetics aisle, trying to buy a tube of lipstick. I know I am dating myself just by calling it a "tube." Lipstick now comes in wands, and in multi-step processes. Added to the fact that I have never in my entire life bought a shade that I was happy with once I got home, you can see that this was a trial for me. While puzzling over the difference between "Cinnamon Shine" and "Nutmeg Sparkle" (and getting hungry in the process), a woman sidled up to me and this conversation ensued:
Her: "I can't help you this time."
Me: (self-conscious chuckle) "That's okay. I'll just muddle through on my own. But thanks for the offer."
Her: (glaring in my direction) "You don't need to get ***tty with me. I would help you if I could, but I can't."
Me: (confused) "Sorry...didn't mean to bother you."
Her: (raising her voice) "You're such a **tch!"
Me: (backing away) "There's no need to get cranky..."
Her: (glaring directly at me) "Who are you talking to? Were you listening to my call? It's none of your g** d*** business! ***ch!"
And then she stomped off, around the corner. I could hear her on the next aisle complaining loudly about this "crazy woman listening in on my phone call."
It used to be that if someone walked around talking to themself they were crazy. It was one of the three sure signs, along with wearing your lipstick outside the lines (again with the lipstick) and pulling your pants up too high. Now you can't tell...they might be crazy, or they might be taking a phone call. Or both.
she looks so normal
Oh my goodness. I love the cell phone for two reasons: emergencies (not that I've ever had a "real" emergency in the 8+ years I've had one) and for checking on people to see where they are or if they could stop at the store and get me something. Like milk or toilet paper. But i LOATHE them for everything else. If you don't answer it, then you must be dead. If you do answer it, it's rude to everyone else around you, unless you excuse yourself to another room. AND, they are breeding horrible manners, as exemplified by your Target friend. I'm not sure what my reaction would have been to her: I'm sorry you had to meet such a mean person.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I really don't miss California. I hate those ear things. I always feel so retarded just talking into the air. They almost make me dizzy or something. I think I'd have to give up the cell phone all together.
ReplyDeleteSo what kind of fine would I get for reading my blogs on my iPhone while driving (or at least while at stop lights)? Not that I ever do that of course.
P.S. That woman sounds like a royal witch. She gives Target a bad name.
I think that this is one of your funniest posts.
ReplyDeleteI think that this is one of your funniest posts.
ReplyDeleteI can't stop laughing. I don't know what is funnier...your difficulty picking out a lipstick color (does anyone notice other people's lip color???) or your encounter with the cranky lady in Target.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry.
To add some cheer to your life, I packed your prize today, you lucky winner, and will mail it in a day or two. It's a surprise.
I love you just as you are, with or without lipstick!
How do you REACT to something like that??? Were you scared or angry or did it just hurt your feelings? I think it is cool you can blog about it with a sense of humor!
ReplyDeleteAnd another thing, my healthy blog was nominated for that award too, and I picked 5, and you were on there. I know Emily already nominated you, but honestly, I appreciate good writing. Well told stories. You've got 'em.
ReplyDeleteIsn't my mom a crack up?!?!?! I love that dad even commented. Next time someone gets an attitude with you just let them know you breed Amazonian sized children who will put them in their place.
ReplyDeleteI want to kick that trashy lady's you-know-what! The bluetooth earpieces are just ridiculous- I had a guy 2 nights ago at Bath and Body Works (thanks for the gift card Mom and Dad) who was on one of those- Of course I couldn't tell and thought he was talking to me and I had like a 2 minute conversation about picking out scents with him before he just walked away and I realized he was on the phone! Then he had the nerve to come back and start an actual conversation with me- but I was so nervous that it was another trick so I didn't respond which probably made him think I was strange. It's all very confusing- and for some reason WE are the ones that are left feeling like the wierdos?!
ReplyDeleteLinda-- I just found your blog-via Joy. That is the saddest/funniest story I have heard in a long time. I had the same thing happen to me with my hairdresser. I wasn't facing the mirror and was just sure he was talking to me-- who else? After all, I pay him an obscenely large amount of money for 2 hours of his time and attention.... wrong. I carried on 10 minutes of one-way conversation until the manicurist across from his chair clued me in. It was awful!
ReplyDelete