Recently, I read a reprint of this article in The Reader's Digest.
http://www.nysun.com/editorials/why-i-let-my-9-year-old-ride-subway-alone
The author, Lenore Skenazy, seems like a very sensible person. Her thoughts echo many of my own. I would be very interested to hear the thoughts of other moms. Are we scaring our kids in the name of keeping them safe? Is it possible to go too far in protecting our children? Or does the safety factor outweigh any potential harm? I would love to know what you think.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
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Thanks for sharing that article-it is well written and really makes a person think.
ReplyDelete"Better safe than sorry" is a great motto to live by. When Skenazy says, "A child who thinks he can't do anything on his own eventually can't." also sounds wise.
But can't a child be trusted to do many things on his own that don't involve risking their physical safety? Can't a mother's trust be hinged on the countless day to day actions she takes that all silently convey, "Hey, I believe in you and I think you are capable of great things"? You know, like hanging pictures they have colored on the fridge, letting them cook when grandma comes to visit, trusting them to choose good friends, taking them seriously when they share their feelings, etc...
I read once that studies show that 1% of human beings (a majority of them being male) are totally born without a conscience. I guess that, along with a couple of recent incidents that have occured here where we live, would make me hesitate before sending a child out on his own.
To be totally honest, I would have to say that I would have never let my 9 year old take the subway alone in New York City or Salt Lake City, for that matter. Regret if something were to happen, would not be easy to live with.
But hey, opinions are just how we feel about a subject, right? I could totally be wrong about it.
:-) Love you, Rhonda
I've thought about this topic many times and I honestly don't know what the right answer is. I'm sure that a lot of our fear and panic in today's world is unnecessary but it's hard to ignore all the television reports and horror stories that are out there.
ReplyDeleteI think it's human nature to want to control (or think we are in control) of all situations. I think that when we watch our kids w/ an eagle eye we are fooling ourselves into thinking we are "in control" of their safety. We can never protect them 100%. But does that mean we should try the other 90% of the time?
Abby's bus stop is up at the corner, literally two houses away but I still stand on the porch (in my bathrobe each morning) and watch her until she physically steps foot onto the bus.
I juxtapose this with us kids growing up and how we used to walk to the beach and the mall in our little kid groups and I wonder which is right?
I am experiencing a phenomenon that I did not expect...
ReplyDeleteJust lately, I am not watching the clock and worrying from 4:00 on, waiting for Joshua to walk in the door from school. Now, he is nearly 13 and school is just 5 blocks down our street (which is a very quiet one), but I normally would still be on pins and needles waiting for him to walk in.
Just last summer I would make him call me when he arrived at his friend's house just 5 blocks away...
I guess my point is...if there is one...I don't know why the letting go. Maybe it is because I am a grandmother, not a mother, and am finally understanding my role.
But, take it from me, I am in an unusual place on this issue. What is theoretical for most mothers is no longer theoretical for me. I have lost a child and know for certain that it can happen.
Wow, what smart inciteful women you all are. I think our children or at least mine are equipped to deal with more indapendence than we are willing to throw at them. I myself have a hard time giving up control at times. Maybe this is being overbearring or maybe its just mothers intuition. You can trust your child to make the right choices but we have zero control over everyone elses choices! That being said I think it is up to us as parents to be the decerning eye in our childrens lives and realize that we cant control all situations and that bad things do happen! I know we (my siblings and I) were given a reasonable ammount of freedom as children and we all survived. Then again I do think times are differant now, things are fast paced, and many aspects of our lives are satturated with things we would not wish on our children. Anyways I think we need to be engaged but not overbearring, if that makes sense. Or children are precious so we should do whats in reason to love and prtect them, keeping in mind that bad things do happen. Prayer shoul ALWAYS play a role in this.
ReplyDeleteLaura, as a Mother I think I have some idea of what you went thru losing Susan, allthough I will never know your pain! My heart still goes out to you.
Wow someone really needs to use spellcheck! In my defense Alvie was trying to help me type!
ReplyDelete